Happy New Year

Well, it's not, of course. A new year. Not in the usual context, anyway.
HOWEVER. It's A new year. My birthday's tomorrow.
What this means:
-That it's been a year since last year's disaster at the pool hall. (I spent the day deciding what I wanted to happen that night... at the end of it all, I went home without even a kiss. Although --as consolation, I suppose!-- he texted me as soon as I got home - "I had a blast tonight". Really? Then fucking ACT on it!
That was last year's birthday... About a month before last year's Halloween, which became significant for reasons that we'll get to later.
-That it's been five years since I've been dealing with an eating disorder. I dropped out of school the first time in the fall of 2004. I had just turned 19, then, and it was only a few months before I went inpatient in West Palm. I don't really remember my birthday from that year- No, wait. I think my FAMILY wanted to go out to eat, to celebrate, so we went. They ate. That was that birthday.
-That I have to pick out a kick ASS birthday outfit! Going to the casinos tomorrow with the boyfriend and some girlfriends, etc. I'm psyched. I always veer towards the overdressed...

It sucks, because the fair is in town. I always used to go to the fair around my birthday, when I was younger. I want to go this year, but frankly don't know if there's any point. My two favorite parts- cotton candy and KETTLE CORN - are kind of irrelevant now.

My boyfriend's trying to encourage me to do it, to eat, etc. He doesnt really understand that there are a thousand reasons why I can't come close to doing this. The least of which, now, is that I have a PHOTO SHOOT in less than a week. No pressure, right? I'm excited, though, a lot. The theme is "Classic movies", so it should be an excuse for full Glam mode. Not in the tranny Bowie sense. You know.